Question

Read the following e-mail and correct the listed faults/weaknesses.

To: Bryanna Mazzetta, Vice President, Marketing

From: Luke Downey, Exhibit Manager

Subject: Possible Change for Saving Money

We always try our best to meet customers and sell Worldclass Trainer equipment at numerous trade shows. But instead of expanding our visits to these trade shows, the company continues to cut back the number that we attend. And we have fewer staff members attending. I know that you have been asking us to find ways to reduce costs, but I don’t think we are going about it right.

With increased airfare and hotel costs, my staff has tried to find ways to live within our very tight budget. Yet, we are being asked to find other ways to reduce our costs. I’m currently thinking ahead to the big Las Vegas trade show coming up in September.

One area where we could make a change is in the gift that we give away. In the past we have presented booth visitors with a nine-color T-shirt that is silk-screened and gorgeous. But it comes at a cost of $23 for each and every one of these beauties from a top-name designer. To save money, I suggest that we try a $6 T-shirt made in China, which is reasonably presentable. It’s got our name on it, and, after all, folks just use these shirts for workouts. Who cares if it is a fancy silk-screened T-shirt or a functional Chinese one that has “Worldclass Trainer” plastered on the chest? Because we give away 2,000 T-shirts at our largest show, we could save big bucks by dumping the designer shirt. But we have to act quickly. I’ve enclosed a cheap one for you to see.

Let me know what you think.

Faults/Weaknesses that need to be corrected:

1. Fails to provide an appropriate subject line

2. Opening paragraph sounds whining, negative, and critical

3. Fails to begin with engaging statement or description of existing problem

4. Does not develop a logical, focused description of the problem or proposal.

5. Fails to emphasize savings in a highly readable form.

6. Does not promote the proposal with positive arguments.

7. Fails to present counterarguments to possible objections

8. Fails to guide reader to a positive reaction to the proposal or sample garment

9. Does not put forth a specific recommendation.

10.Fails to close with a specific action to be taken and an end date.

11. Omits a motivation to act

Answer 1

To: Bryanna Mazzetta, Vice President, Marketing

From: Luke Downey, Exhibit Manager

Subject: Suggestion for saving costs

We have repeatedly tried and failed to reduce the costs. We always try our best to meet customers and sell Worldclass Trainer equipment at numerous trade shows. But instead of expanding our visits to these trade shows, the company continues to cut back the number that we attend. We have seen certain positive results as well, but still have not reached our desired goal. And we have fewer staff members attending. I know that you have been asking us to find ways to reduce costs, but I think we need to think more aggressively.

With increased airfare and hotel costs, the staff has tried to find ways to live within our very tight budget which still hasn’t helped to reduce the costs. I’m currently thinking ahead to the big Las Vegas trade show coming up in September.

One area where we could make a change is in the gift that we give away. In the past we have presented booth visitors with a nine-color T-shirt that is silk-screened and gorgeous.

The t-shirt comes at a cost of $23 each as it comes from a top-name designer. To save money, I suggest that we try a $6 T-shirt made in China, which is reasonably presentable. It has got our name on it and has “Worldclass Trainer” plastered on the chest. We give away 2,000 T-shirts at our largest show and we can save costs by choosing this option.

I am enclosing a sample of the proposed t-shirt along with a cost report. If you find this suggestion unhelpful as it might affect our brand value, we can devise options for new gifts as well that will be in our budget.

Let me know what you think.

Thank You

Luke Downey

Exhibit Manager