Question

1. Reflect on your beliefs about relationships prior to reading this chapter. If I had asked you a week ago which "rule of thumb" was true, what would you have said? That "birds of a feather flock together" (similarity), or that "opposites attract" (complementarity)? 2. Now that you know the research on similarity and attraction, why do you think similarity is so important? What kinds of traits might it be advantageous for couples to be similar on (e.g., personality traits like extraversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness, etc)? 3. Can you think of any circumstances where complementarity might be useful or important? Name the circumstances and explain why.

Answer 1

ANSWER 1:
Prior to reading this chapter, one would contend that in a relationship "birds of a feather flock together"(similarity) is more on the practical lines than "opposites attract"(complementarity). It is a general penchant of people to be be attracted to people who are very much like them. The interest in others who are similar to us does not curtail only to physical attraction. Rather, it is the feeling of comfortableness in the company of those people. Even, small children seek friends who like to play the same games or indulge in the same activities. Similarity among other people makes us feel close to them, as we can see a part of ourselves in them. In a relationship, let it be friendship, companionship or love, same traits ensure that a partner will also enjoy doing the activities we like and not deter us to participate in our hobbies or interests. There is a less chance of disagreement on the choice of things we do. If the married couple has similar or identical interests, they can have a good marital life. There would not be an aversion to each other's choice of pastime. Over the years, resentment grows among couples who are not alike and they prefer to spend time separately due to their varied interests.

ANSWER 2:

Research proves that similarity is very important mostly, to maintain a harmonious relation between couples. When a person is looking for a long term relationship, he/she tends to look for a person whose temperament matches his/hers. Compatibility is very important for two people to like each other. If the couple has opposite interests or passions, initially for a short duration they get along with their partner's choices, but in the long run both the people involved in a relationship experience difficulties in toeing the line. Then, dissatisfaction and arguments creep in if the couple prefers to do the things of their own liking, independently.

If a person is an extrovert who loves mingling with people and shows enthusiasm for social gatherings is paired with a person who is an introvert, who does not enjoy socializing much, it results in a friction between these two different personalities of a couple. The extraversion of a person is abhorred by the other and the introversion of the other partner becomes a cause of misery. Life becomes very difficult as one wants to sit at home and putter around, while the other longs to go out and meet other people.

Agreeableness is a trait of person which is exhibited in positive attitude, sympathy, kindness, warmth, complacency, no place for negativity in life, caring, sharing and love for other human beings. This is a very pleasant personality trait, which makes an agreeable person liked by everyone else. As an agreeable person does not engage in quarrels or arguments, it is better for him/her to have a partner, who has the trait of agreeableness. If a person does not get his match and gets a partner who has negative attitude, no love or respect for others and displays animosity towards others, then the agreeable partner due to his inherent nature does not quarrel with his partner, but becomes very sad and unhappy.

Conscientiousness is a personality trait of a person who is very disciplined and organized. A conscientious person is very methodical and plans each and every action of his/her very efficiently. These kind of people are very orderly, perfectionists, diligent, efficient, hard-working and endeavor to do their best. If a conscientious person gets a partner who is not conscientious, careless, lazy, disorderly, inefficient or lax, then both the partners have frequent squabbles, criticizing each others shortcomings.

Thus, if a person gets a partner who is similar in nature, life become easy, peaceful and comfortable. But, sometimes boredom or monotony also can creep in the relationship as both the partners spend too much time together in pursuing their similar interests.

ANSWER 3:

The adage that 'opposites attract' is also true. Complementarity in a relation means that even though two people have different interests and traits, they still come together despite of their different tastes and balance each other. Some people do get attracted to people who are not like them, because they find the people mysterious, intriguing and also challenging. If two people truly love each other, they accept the contrasts between them and try to smoothen out the differences. Initially, life seems like a battle ground but gradually, the couple finds each others strengths and weaknesses and tries to equalize the equation between them. There are many circumstances in which a couple who is not so similar, work in harmony according to their strengths and liking. For example, if a person is a foodie and the other partner believes in dieting and physical fitness, that partner can introduce and prepare delicious diet food for the partner and also help the partner to maintain physical fitness. Some people are introverts,shy and do not feel confident in social situations, but if he/she gets a partner who is an extrovert, then that partner can gradually help him/her to overcome his/her shyness and introduce the partner to the world in a gentle manner, so as to increase the confidence of the partner.

A couple who is not similar in nature does face many difficulties in adjusting with each other. But, if they really want their relationship to work, they overcome all the obstacles and grow together.