Question

Identify some of the transitions encountered by children of divorced parents

Answer 1

The children of divorced parents undergo many transitions which are mostly unpleasant. This transition period is very trying not only for the parents but also for the children, who fail to understand why they are subjected to this painful separation. Children are mostly attached to both of their parents and the thought of separation is unbearable for them. The parents experience sadness, bitterness and anger involved in the separation and it is a difficult time for them therefore, they are not able to provide children the necessary assurances, care and security during the divorce period and a long time after that.  

Nowadays, the incidence of divorce has increased among parents who despite having children resort to divorce even on small basis of incompatibility. The tolerance and adjustment level of people has decreased a lot and couples do not even consider the ill-effects of their divorce on their children. The children are victims who despite no fault of theirs are subjected to the acrimony and legal fights between their parents which definitely has adverse consequences on the children's psyche. The kids of the divorced parents portray a number of changes in their conduct in school and social interactions.

Some of the children face these changes by taking out their frustration in the form of unruly and strange behavior both at home and school whereas, some of the children do not display any emotions outside but withdraw into a shell. The parents who are going to divorce are self-absorbed with their own emotions and are not able to make their children feel secure and mostly direct anger towards their children. As the children are not mature enough to understand the reason of their parents' divorce, many a times they held themselves responsible for the separation of their parents. The academic accomplishment is also affected. The small children whose parents are recently divorced do not take much interest in studies and tend to disturb teachers and classmates to seek attention, as their parents are not able to provide the same. These children are unhappy and lose their confidence and self-esteem. During the school gatherings and meets they long for both the parents, when they see other children happy with their parents. Children are very vulnerable and they need both mother and father to nurture them.

Adolescents who already are experiencing hormonal changes in the difficult adolescence period react more badly to divorce of their parents. Some of the children coming from divorced homes involve themselves in quarrels and fights with their classmates. Many of them leave the school and get into bad company. They take refuge in alcohol and drugs to show their strong resentment to their bickering parents. Many of them engage in crimes to get money to fund their immoral activities. The prevalence of teenage pregnancy is also more in the girls of divorced parents. In some instances, the children have to work for earning livelihood for their single parent and siblings. This premature responsibility causes a great harm to the child's physical and mental well-being.

Research has proved that the children of divorced parents are not able to lead a successful married life when they grow up. They tend to fight and inflict violence upon their partner, as the parents marital behavior has a deep impact on their tender minds in childhood which they carry into their adulthood. But some of the children behave exactly the opposite and make all the efforts to make their marriage successful as they do not want their children to suffer like them. The children may experience despair and think about harming self or even others. In extreme cases where the children have suffered too badly due to the divorce of their parents, commit suicide in their adulthood as the impact of the destructive divorce does not lessen in their adulthood and as a result, they are not able to cope with their lives.

The effects of divorce lessens as time passes, as 'time is known to be a great healer.' But during the initial period when a child has to part with one of the parent, lot of efforts should be taken by the teachers and immediate and extended family members and friends to help the child to cope with his/her parents' divorce. As a child spends considerable time in school, the teachers should be more sympathetic to such children and try to engage and divert the child's attention into studies and play. The teacher should ensure that the child feels secured, wanted and loved at least in the school. The immediate family members should also pitch in and try to make the child understand that it is not his/her fault that the parents are divorcing. If the divorce is unavoidable and inevitable both the parents, despite their own emotional problems should try to comfort their children or else the children will have many psychological issues which would mar their future.