Question

Our reading this week examined the concept of love and the variety of types and catalysts for this emotion. In recent years, the prevalence of online dating has increased exponentially and has resulted in countless successful marriages. Although some people insist a traditional courtship is preferable, as many others believe that online romance is a viable way of finding a lifelong partner. For this discussion board, I would like for you to examine the phenomena of online dating in light of Sternberg's triangular theory of love. What does his theory say about online dating? For the purposes of this discussion, please refer only to romantic love and not any of the other types of love discussed in the readings.

Answer 1

According to Sternburg, any permutation of love contains at its root three components. They are:

Intimacy: Feelings of attachment, closeness, typified by sharing secrets, etc.

Passion: Feelings of sexual and romantic attraction.

Commitment: A willingness in the short-term to create and maintain a relationship and long-term plans to sustain the relationship.

Of course, a “perfect” relationship in Sternberg’s view contains all three components, but the various combinations of these psychological aspects of love create eight separate permutations that cover almost all relationships.

Nonlove “refers simply to the absence of all three components of love. Nonlove characterizes the large majority of our personal relationships, which are simply casual interactions.

Liking/friendship is “used here in a nontrivial sense. Rather, it refers to the set of feelings one experiences in relationships that can truly be characterized as friendship. One feels closeness, bondedness, and warmth toward the other, without feelings of intense passion or long-term commitment.

Infatuated love: “Infatuation results from the experiencing of passionate arousal in the absence of intimacy and decision/commitment…like Tennov’s limerance .” Romantic relationships often start out as infatuated love and become romantic love as intimacy develops over time. Without developing intimacy or commitment, infatuated love may disappear suddenly.

Empty love is characterized by commitment without intimacy or passion. A stronger love may deteriorate into empty love. In an arranged marriage, the spouses’ relationship may begin as empty love and develop into another form, indicating “how empty love need not be the terminal state of a long-term relationship…[but] the beginning rather than the end.

Romantic love “derives from a combination of the intimate and passionate components of love…romantic lovers are not only drawn physically to each other but are also bonded emotionally”- bonded both intimately and passionately, but without sustaining commitment.

Companionate love is an intimate, non-passionate type of love that is stronger than friendship because of the element of long-term commitment. “This type of love is observed in long-term marriages where passion is no longer present” but where a deep affection and commitment remain. The love ideally shared between family members is a form of companionate love, as is the love between close friends who have a platonic but strong friendship.

Fatuous love can be exemplified by a whirlwind courtship and marriage – “fatuous in the sense that a commitment is made on the basis of passion without the stabilizing influence of intimate involvement.

Consummate love is the complete form of love, representing an ideal relationship toward which people strive. Of the seven varieties of love, consummate love is theorized to be that love associated with the “perfect couple.” According to Sternberg, these couples will continue to have great sex fifteen years or more into the relationship, they cannot imagine themselves happier over the long-term with anyone else, they overcome their few difficulties gracefully, and each delight in the relationship with one other. However, Sternberg cautions that maintaining a consummate love may be even harder than achieving it. He stresses the importance of translating the components of love into action. “Without expression,” he warns, “even the greatest of loves can die.” Thus, consummate love may not be permanent. If passion is lost over time, it may change into companionate love.

The diligent thing to do, as you are all budding psychologists I’m sure, is to create a list of all the people you know and categorize them on the basis of the type of love you have with them.

Thanks