Question

Competency

Apply Concepts of Professional Writing to Prewriting, Drafting, Revising, and Editing.

Instructions

Below are two professional emails. Read through each of the emails copy and paste them to a Word Document. Edit them utilizing the Review tab in Microsoft Word. Please review each email, finding all errors in grammar, vocabulary, spelling, punctuation and professionalism.

After you have completed editing and revising the email, pick one of the two and re-write the email so that it is free of all spelling, grammar and content errors and is professional and informative.

Email #1
From: Tricia Marcus
To: Allison Brown
Subject: Today’s Meeting

Hey Allison!
I am looking forward to seeing you today for our meeting. I’ve attached the materials needed for our discussion. Let me know if you have any questions.

Regards,
Tricia Marcus
Marketer Extraordinaire
[email protected]
(555) 545-5656
“Be so good they can’t ignore you.” – Steve Martin

Email #2

To: Bob Pope
From: Gabrielle Mendes
Subject: Job?

Hey Bob, We talked a couple weeks back at the chamber of commerce event. (I was the one looking for a summer internship and had a zit on my lip that could have passed for a cold soar. Lol. Whew. It was not. You’re probably like, “uh.. What?” Maybe that helps you recall, maybe not. Not completely important, I suppose.
I’d really like to come work for you at your IT business. You seemed like a cool person to work for, I liked ur striped pants. I’m available to start working on Monday, but I am taking my driver’s test in June and have to study and go an hour and half away to take it at an easier place cause I’m not a great driver so I’ll miss a few days. I am also going to the beach with friends for a week in July. Oh, and my grandmother has bad gas (OMG IT’S TERRIBLE) and sometimes I have to take her to the doctor.
I’ve attached my resume, it’s the bomb dot com. Let me know if you have a job opening for me. I can’t wait to play on some computers. If I don’t respond to your email, I’m always on FB, snapchat or insta!

Peace out,
Gabrielle Mendes

Answer 1

Email #1 (the revised version)

From: Tricia Marcus
To : Allison Brown
Subject: Upcoming Meeting

Dear Mr.Allison,

I'm looking forward to see you in today's meeting. Here with, attached the materials needed for discussion. Let me know if you have any questions regarding the materials.

"Be so good they can't ignore you" - Steve Martin

Regards,

Tricia Marcus
Marketer Extraordinaire
[email protected]
(555) 545-5656

The observations in the email # 1 are:-

• The salutation should always be formal and respectful.
• no exclamation mark should be used in the salutation. Coma ',' is preferred.
• The body of the email should be clear with punctuations, grammar and spelling mistakes.
• A quote added should always be included inside the body.
• The email id should always a formal name. It should not consist of any abusive or violatory words.

Email #2 ( the revised version)

To: Bob Pope
From: Gabrielle Mendes
Subject: Resume for the summer internship.

Dear Mr.Bob,

We talked a couple weeks back at the chamber of commerce event with regard to the summer internship which I'm looking forward.
I'm interested in joining your IT business. Probably i can start working from Monday . Meanwhile I do have certain domestic needs which i will let you know.
I’ve attached my resume. Let me know if you have a job opening for me. You can reach me on my e-mail.

Thanks and Regards,

Gabrielle Mendes,
[email protected].
(555) 222-5553.

The mistakes in the email#2 are :-

• The subject of the email should consist of the topic of the email which should comprise of atleast a sentence. It is the one sentence letting the person know the reason of the email.
• Salutation should be respectful one . It can include 'dear','respected' etc.
• The body of the letter should always start from the next line and not on the same line of the salutation.
• The body of the letter should be formal because that is one of the first impression formed on the authorized person about the intern.It should not contain short forms like 'lol' and other words like 'whew'.
• Even if you have met the person also you should not comment upon his attire or personality in an email . There is no need to explain your plans apart from the job related in an email.
• The closing of the email should also be formal.Words like 'Faithfully' , 'Sincerely' etc can also be used.
• The email address and the phone number should be provided with the name in the closing of the email.