Question

- As a marriage and family therapist, you have been invited to speak on the dissolution of relationships. Describe in

detail two of the four ways individuals evaluate their relationships and when these evaluations create relationship dissatisfaction. Next, discuss the four ways individuals can respond to this dissatisfaction. Provide examples and fully explain your ideas

Answer 1

Note: This response is in UK English, please paste the response to MS Word and you should be able to spot discrepancies easily. Also, I don’t know the specific “4 ways” mentioned in the question. However, I have picked agreement and intimacy as the 2 basic ways. I have used personal response since the question demands personal views. I recommend you add content from your textbook or classwork wherever necessary.

(Answer) There are several ways to determine the health of a relationship. They depend on the external environment, mutual understanding and personal psyche. Although, two broad categories through which a relationship can be analysed and nurtured are agreement and intimacy.

Agreement: A sense of agreement is at the crux of the rules that establish a healthy relationship. The word “rules” seems impersonal when it is applied to a relationship. Perhaps it is because we think about school rules, sports rules, office rules etc. The rules that are agreed upon in a relationship are far from those organisational regulations. The major differences in these rules are that it involves elements like personal likes and dislikes, habits, goals, temperament etc. When people are in a relationship with each other, they come to a common agreement over these traits. They get to know each other and begin to accept each other for who they are. When acceptance is achieved, they begin to form an agreement to respect each other’s traits.

Let us take a simple example. I like the colour green and hate orange. You, as my partner, would probably know that about me and accept it. Once you have accepted the reality of this, we will form a mutual agreement about it. This means that you could buy me a jumper that is predominantly green. However, if you purchase an orange jumper chances are that I may not like it. Furthermore, if my preference is known and disregarded, I may view it as a spiteful move. This may be a small issue but its philosophy can be applied to larger contexts. Respecting each other’s personal beliefs, agreement to maintain discretion etc. A sense of trust and comfort is nurtured between individuals who come to an agreement to support each other in their nuances.

Intimacy: Psychological intimacy can be difficult to establish but is the cornerstone of a strong relationship. The seeds of intimacy are sown when people decide to talk and listen to each other without bias or an obstinate attitude. Being amenable with each other leads to an individual being able to dissolve their ego in order to come to a compromise whenever the situation demands. People, who are psychologically intimate with each other, have surely had wholesome conversations. These are the people who are willing to set-aside stubbornness if necessary and compromise effectively. Such an intimacy nurtures a deep trust within a relationship.

When evaluating the health of a relationship, these are the two major elements to consider.

Response to Dissatisfaction: (1) Conversation: This is the most basic and effective tool in any relationship. The effective use of this tool can stop nations from getting into wars. Surely it can help resolve dissatisfaction about any aspect of a relationship.

(2) Compromise: Sometimes, winning the battle may not be equivalent to winning the war. In such a case, we must analyse if we are actually fighting for our true convictions or our pride. If the need to maintain pride outweighs our need to stand up for our beliefs, it is probably best to meet each other halfway.

(3) Consideration: Being vicarious of each other’s situations goes a long way to not only build a healthy relationship but, also in increasing our level of compassion. When we are able to effectively understand each other’s positions, we automatically become more compassionate. This results in a positive change in our behaviour, which leads to satisfaction in a relationship.

(4) Selflessness: Being selfless comes with being ready to share. This does not just mean material goods but also being selfless with time. It is important to give your own time to a person and also to give a person their own time. One must be open to being selfless with spending time with each other and also selfless in giving another their own space. When selflessness with time is practiced, generosity seeps into other aspects of our lives.

Through these tools, dissatisfaction can be effectively addressed.