Question

What are some practical steps that one can take to accomplish the four necessary tasks of mourning?

Answer 1

Grief is a natural response to loss that affects us all at various times in our lives, when we lose someone or something that has been important to us.

Practical steps that one can take to accomplish the four necessary tasks of mourning

1.To accept the reality of the loss

Fully accepting the reality of any part of the loss will trigger the associated emotional pain. Hence, it is normal for people to minimise the meaning of the loss as a way of buffering themselves from the pain. This can help you to complete necessary practical tasks, and come to terms with the loss in a manageable manner

2.To experience the pain of the loss

Accepting the reality and experiencing the pain of the loss take the grieving person a lot longer than those around them expect. In this case friends and family might try too early to “cheer you up”, particularly if they feel inadequate or bored.

3.To adjust to the new environment

Your loss will demand adjustments on many different levels - physical, emotional, sexual, financial, practical, spiritual. You may now have to do many activities alone.

4.To withdraw energy from what was lost and reinvest it elsewhere

Rather than simply reacting to what the loss is demanding, you are now actively seeking new people/jobs/things/experiences to add to your life and bring a different kind of pleasure or fulfillment. For some people this can be the most difficult task of grieving as it may arouse feelings of guilt, disloyalty and fear.