Question

ROUTINE INQUIRY

Situation: Your company is trying to improve its merchandise return procedure and wants input from customers who have recently returned merchandise.

Subject: Questions

As you recall, you recently returned merchandise to us. We sincerely hope that this transaction was satisfactory. In fact, we are in the process of making changes that will insure that such transactions are more favorably handled.

We would like the answers for some questions about your experiences returning merchandise to us. We'd like to know if you were served promptly and courteously and whether the adjustment was satisfactory and in accordance with your wishes. Also, we need to know whether or not the salesperson offered assistance to you in selecting other merchandise.

You may write your comments on the form provided, and return it in the enclosed addressed, stamped envelope. If you prefer, go to our website at www.williams.com and give us your answers. We thank you in advance for your cooperation.

CRITIQUE

(After making comments above, replace this text with your critique) - Summarize your critique of the message above and briefly outline your plans for revision. Use communication theories/terminology discussed in class and from your textbook to support your discussion.

REVISION

(Replace this text with your revision).

1. Comment. Make comments on the example message. Write your comments - what is wrong with what you have highlighted and what can be improved?

2. Critique. Write a summary of your critique and outline for revisions.

3. Revise. Write a revision of the message.

You can invent people’s names, addresses, details, etc. when necessary BUT do not change the core information provided in the original message.

Answer 1

1. In reference to the context the message is slightly lengthy and is not appealing to the reader in a way that they can read the complete message and give their feedback.

One must include at least three bullet points so that the customer can give a short yet helpful reply for future references.

The second paragraph of the message itself is not categorized in bullet points and hence the customer might feel it as a descriptive and time consuming process and might try to avoid it completely.

The start of the message can be more courteous and there is no requirement to let the customer know about changes that are in process.

2. Critique – The tone of the message from the very start puts the customer in a questioning position regarding the return. Of course the customer can recall because the customer has paid for the merchandise and now when it’s being returned the money will be given back too.

It’s always better to show an image with less or no flaws in order to build customer loyalty. A company must present itself as complete and flawless in all aspect of business to establish a strong brand image.

One more area to outline regarding the feedback on the salesperson should be to use a tone more confident in nature instead of asking the customer directly about their behavior, this might make the customer feel that the salespersons are not prompt generally and if there happens to be a very slight mistake the customer can question the company’s training of the salespersons.

3. Revision –

Hi Sarah,

Hope you’re doing great.

In reference to the recent return of the merchandise, we would like to have your valuable feedback on the following:

• Was the whole process on time?
• Are you completely satisfied with the adjustments made according to your wish?
• Please give your ratings to the assistance provided by our highly skilled salesperson.

(Please rate on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the maximum ranking excellent)

We strive every single day to make your shopping experience enjoyable and convenient.

And you can help better our service by filling the feedback form or by visiting our website www.williams.com.

P.S. We are waiting to know about your shopping experience with us.