Question

Do you think adoptions should be open, semi-open, or closede? Why? Should parents be allowed to change their mind after and adoption has been finalized?

Answer 1

The three main categories of adoption are open, semi-open, and closed. When choosing to make an adoption plan, there are a variety of options when it comes to levels of openness a birth family can have with the adoptive family post-placement. Starting with closed, let’s take a look at what each means and how it can vary within that category.

Closed

A closed adoption generally means that you have no plan to continue contact after placing the child and that you do not share identifying characteristics with each other. This sort of adoption was the only option for a very long time. Essentially, no names, addresses, phone numbers, or further identifying information was shared so that a person could not be contacted at any time. As adoption and the world of social media have changed, an adoption can still be closed upon either party’s wish, but it is increasingly more difficult as information is so easily obtained due to the Internet.

Semi-open

A semi-open adoption is an adoption where some identifying characteristics are shared (such as first name, area where adoptive family lives, etc.) but still maintains elements of a closed adoption and a barrier to contact. Some contact usually occurs in a semi-open adoption such as an adoptive family sending updates or pictures to the birth family, whether that be through an agency, facilitator, or through a private email account. Semi-open adoptions usually do not have visits, phone calls, Skype, or another form of continuing, constant contact.

Open

An open adoption is the plan to have continual, regular contact between the birth family and adoptive family. Full names are shared between parties as well as other identifying characteristics such as addresses, phone numbers, emails, social media pages, etc. Most in open adoptions have a plan for communication, which could be in the form of phone calls between the parties, sending pictures or email updates, etc. Some open adoptions even plan regular visits, either in public or at one of the adult parties’ houses. Open adoptions have become increasingly common in the last decade or so as many agree that the child having a regular connection their birth family in a healthy way helps to ease trauma or questions that may arise.

I feel open adoption is the best it gives the greatest clarity.As it's a life long matter.

At some point during your adoption planning, you may wonder, ‘Can I change my mind?’ Here’s some information to help you know whether you’ve made the right choice about adoption.

Adoption is an important decision, and ultimately a mother’s choice. If at any point in the pregnancy you feel you should parent the child instead of the adoptive parents, yes, you have the right to change your mind. Also, if you feel unsure about the adoptive parent or parents, you may raise your concerns with your adoption professional, to decide whether or not this is the right home for your child.

After the baby is born, you have a determined amount of time to decide about the adoption, in accordance with your state laws. If you do change your mind, the case will be taken to court and a judge will decide who will be awarded parental custody of the child. The longer you wait to decide, the harder it may be to convince the court that you should have custody of the child. Once the court has awarded legal custody to the adoptive parents, you can no longer change your mind.

When a mother terminates an adoption after being matched with the adoptive parents, it is often referred to as a ‘disrupted adoption.’ Disrupted adoptions can be very painful for everyone involved. Adoptive parents and birth mothers place a great deal of trust in each other when deciding on adoption. Adoptive parents take big emotional and financial risks when adopting, so it is important to educate yourself now, to avoid a disrupted adoption at all costs.

How do you know if adoption is the right choice for you and your child? Here are some of the most common deciding factors:

• You cannot support a child financially, or you do not have a safe or encouraging environment to raise a child in. This may mean that your parents won’t allow you to live at home with your baby. You may not even have a home at the moment. Or maybe the baby’s father may not be prepared provide child support, and you’ll be raising a child alone.
• You feel you are too young to be a parent. If you are a teenager, you may be physically ready to have a child, but you aren’t emotionally and financially prepared to take on the role as a parent.
• You already have children, and you’re not in a stage of your life where you feel you can raise an unexpected second, third, or fourth child.
• Raising a child will disrupt your plans for the future. Simply, it might not be the right time in your life to have a child. Maybe you wanted to play sports, or have a career, or travel around the world, or finish high school or college. Having a child will change all of this.
• You want a better life for your child than the one you can provide. Adoption is ultimately a selfless choice, where you place the needs of your child above your own. Raising a child in a one-parent home, or a home with many financial challenges might not be the ideal life you had in mind.
• You cannot go through with an abortion, or it is too late in the pregnancy to have an abortion, but are unprepared to raise the child yourself.
• You feel life is a gift, and know there are many couples who cannot have their own biological children, and would love your baby as their own.

During pregnancy, there are a range of emotions you may be dealing with, all of which make it difficult to make the right decision for you and your child. Becoming a parent, no matter how much you want to, may or may not be the right choice. The best thing to do is prepare yourself with as much information as possible, seek support for your decision, and understand that this is a tough decision to make. Even on the right path, there will be moments of doubt.