Question

Please type a 2-page paper (double-spaced) on your approach to the follow couple, based on the topics discussed (Gottman making marriage work and couple therapy, repair strategies, conflict resolution, Healthy and unhealthy sex, the challenge of forgiveness, rebuilding trust, expressing anger, Bowen’s family system, Imago couples’ therapy, Cognitive behavioral couple therapy):

Kate and David have been married for 7 years. They met when Kate was just 18, and a new Christian and David had just moved to town for a job as a music pastor. Kate’s new passion for God energized David. And Kate had come from a troubled family life a David loved bringing her some stability. They report that the first couple years of marriage were good, followed by a rapid decline in communication and intimacy. David threw himself into his work at the church, spending hours every night with his worship team instead of home with Kate. Kate was building her own career as a pastry chef and tried to stay busy as well.

Two years ago, when David’s church had to suddenly let him go due to budget reductions, he became depressed, withdrawn and angry at God and Kate. They stopped attending church and had to move to an apartment to cut costs.

Kate thought that maybe starting a family would make them happy again. But six months ago, just months after the birth of their first child, David confessed to Kate that he had engaged in 3 sexual affairs with various members of his worship team over the course of their marriage. He says that he is so sorry and will do anything to make it up to her. Kate fears it may be too late, but for the sake of their daughter, she is willing to try.

Answer 1

Some important points that you could mention in context of the case study:

Given the fact that David seemingly lost his job within the house of church, a place that he revered and thought of as a rock, for his emotional support, had crumbled before him taking away the vital security that David felt it provided: financial as well as emotional; it's a natural deduction from thereon to note a point of consideration, which is a closely associated to why he indulged in the behavior he did after he lost his job, which is that David, earlier during the marriage, 'felt nice providing Kate with a sense of security as she was from a troubled family and her new found faith in God energized him.' He took it upon himself, as a sense of responsibility to take care of her, which is granted and not a negative facet. But, according to bowen, in a marriage when one person takes an overburden of a certain given responsibility and begins to feel as though there are certain expectations from him that he is apparently not able to fulfil, despite perhaps not having been told that by the spouse themselves, they begin to spiral into behaviors that are unhealthy for the relationship, such as infedility or affairs, which is something observed in David's life. And the displaced anger as a result on Kate.

He feels as though somewhere by losing his position within the church, he has done a diservice to his wife by not being able to provide her the same level of comfort as he did before.

Bowen also states that within a unit of family the emotional states work close to what one might call a wildfire, the behaviors displayed are quick to catch on and continue in a chain reaction format. That is to say that, in the beginning, the lack of cohesiveness, wherein David begun indulging more in work and neglecting the married life, Kate ended up doing the same as a form of reciprocality. This hampers the functionalism present within a family.

If we are to take gottman into consideration, he listed seven principles that could refurbish a marriage. One such being the love map, which requires the two people to make a map, so to speak, of the other person's persona, vulnerabikities, goals dreams, characteristics, family history. So as to fall in love again.

Othe principle that might be applicable to them would be turning to one another, which is looking for support from each other as opposed to external parties, sharing the little moments of various emotions together, which might also help in expressing emotions of anger and distrust.

Another one being recounting previous anecdotes or connections that made one admire the other in the first place.