Question

1. Select one of your significant relationships (friend or romantic). Describe how each of the dialectical tensions outlined in chapter 9 (pgs. 294-295) operate in this relationship.
2. What incompatible goals do you and your relational partner(s) seek?
3. Which of the strategies described in chapter 9 do you use to manage these tensions?

Answer 1

I will be discussing about my relationship with a friend and what dialectical tensions we faced altogether. So, when I first met my this friend, he was a complete stranger to me and we met in a local market accidentally where our shopping bags got exchanged. We met officially to exchange bags and then got to know each other in a formal discussion. Soon, that bonding developed but there was still an uncertainty about this bond (Predictability/novelty). There was some bizarre tension in my mind to ask him out to meet again but then again it was a kind of some uncomfortable pull that didn't let me do it. When I got to know him better I soon realized that he was too open about his things and experiences and I could not be open the same way about my life(Openness/closeness). Another tension suddenly which we faced was to connect properly and that too how to maintain a bond since we shared quite a bunch of things such as interest of similar books, TV shows etc (Autonomy/connectedness).

All these dialectical tensions were anyhow mixed and we couldn't sort out perfect balance but then somethings were totally ignored by using the strategy of denial as feeling that it isn't something productive and we should actually move with something which is important.Another strategy used was reframing which actually helped us framing our problems in a more acceptable and productive way that can help us.