Question

The following letter, filled with musty expressions and in old-fashioned language (legalese), buries key ideas. Rewrite and reorganize it to make it shorter, clearer, and more reader-centered.

Dear Ms. Granedi:

This is in response to your firm’s letter of recent date inquiring about the types of additional services that may be available to business customers of the First National Bank of Bentonville. The question of a possible time frame for the implementation of said services was also raised in the aforementioned letter. Pursuant to these queries, the following answers, this office trusts, will prove helpful.

Please be advised that the Board of Directors at First National Bank has a continuing reputation for servicing the needs of the Bentonville community, especially the business community. For the last fifty years—half of a century—First National Bank has provided the funds necessary for the growth, success, and expansion of many local firms, yours included. This financial support has bestowed many opportunities on a multitude of business owners, residents of Bentonville, and even residents of surrounding local communities.

The Board is at this present writing currently deliberating, with its characteristic caution, over a variety of options suggested to us by our patrons, including your firm. These options, if the Board decides to act upon them, would enhance the business opportunities for financial transactions at First National Bank. Within the two options receiving attention by the Board at this point in time is the creation of a branch office in the rapidly growing north side of Bentonville. This area has many customers who rely on the services of First National Bank. The Board may also place a business loan department in the new branch.

If this office of the First National Bank of Bentonville might be of further helpful assistance, please advise. Remember, banking with First National Bank is a community privilege.

Soundly yours,

M. T. Watkins Public Relations Director

Answer 1

Below is the formatted letter:

Dear Ms. Granedi,

I hope you are doing great. This letter is in response to your queries about the additional services that the First National Bank can offer to the business customers of Bentonville. I would like to inform you that the Board of the Bank has decided to create a branch office in the rapidly growing north side of Bentonville since this area has many customers relying on the services of the Bank. Also the Board may also place a business loan department in the new branch.

I sincerely hope that these additional services will be of much help to the business customers of Bentonville. Looking forward to hearing from you about the proposal and further steps to be taken.

Sincerely yours,

MT Watkins

Public Relations Director