Question

Date: Part 1: Revision -Read the following document and identify crrors in format, sentence structure, punctuation, word choice, word formation, tone, mmbers, or capitalization. Re-write the poorly written message into an effective one, focussing on conciseness, accuracy, positive and bias-free expression, clear of grammar, spelling, and punctuation errors. (20 points) Nanaimo Sports Centre Vancouver Branch 8791 Austin Street Vancouver, BC Y2P 2P8 November 27, 2019 Ms. R. Ferguson Ferguson Athletic Apparel 315 Massey Cr. Port Moody, BC Z6T 3B5 Dear Ms. Ferguson: We're collecting for the local Nanaimo Sports Centre? We have chosen $28.00 as a fair minimum for businesses to give. But bigger amounts would be strongly recommended. Our Centre totally requires your donation. As we speak, about 430 teenagers don't gets to participate in Nanaimo Sports activities unless more money are donated. Nanaimo Sports is a truly worthwhile program. In my opinion, business leaders of any age should support it. I assume you are by now familiar with our organization, but if you've never heard about us, here is the scoop. Nanaimo Sports Centre is an organization for high school youngsters. They find work with local businesses and then form small businesses and then they opperate these businesses. During they operate the businesses they also learn about us running the business. This is good, I think, and we should all help. Hoping to get your substantial donation as soon as possible, Sincerely, William Barnett. President

Answer 1

Letter for donation should be indirect and must first appreciate the patron for its direct/indirect support. It should have a positive tone, right structure and elaborated with necessary details. Below is a suggested (although loosely) letter format and content.

Nanaimo Sports Centre
Vancouver Branch
8791 Austin Street
Vancouver, BC Y2P 2P8

November 27, 2019

Ms. R Ferguson
Ferguson Athletic Apparel
315 Massey Cr.
Port Moody, BC Z6T 3B5

Dear Ms. Ferguson,

I, on behalf of Nanaimo Sports Centre, thank you for everything that you do to support our organization. This could not have been possible without your best wishes and help.

As you might be familiar with our workings by now, we are an organization to support high school youngsters. They are helped in finding work with local business, along with guidance to form and operate their small businesses

In order to grow this good gesture, we need your support. As I write, there are about 430 teenagers who are not given the opportunity to participate in sports activities, as we do not have sufficient funds to run the program.

Considering it, we request you to donate at least $28 towards this program. We would be grateful if you donate more. Our work to help teenagers depend on your donations.

We hope to help many more youths with your help. Please find the donation details in the document attached. Additionally, you can enquire more about us by calling at <phone number>.

Thank you

William Barnett,
President