Question

Part 1: Revision - Read the following document and identify errors in format, sentence structure, punctuation, word choice, word formation, tone, numbers, or capitalization. Re-write the poorly written message into an effective one, focussing on conciseness, accuracy, positive and bias-free expression, clear of grammar, spelling, and punctuation errors. (20 points) Nanaimo Sports Centre Vancouver Branch 8791 Austin Street Vancouver, BC Y2P 2P8 November 27, 2019 Ms. R. Ferguson Ferguson Athletic Apparel 315 Massey Cr. Port Moody, BC Z6T 3B5 Dear Ms. Ferguson: We're collecting for the local Nanaimo Sports Centre? We have chosen $28.00 as a fair minimum for businesses to give. But bigger amounts would be strongly recommended. Our Centre totally requires your donation. As we speak, about 430 teenagers don't gets to participate in Nanaimo Sports activities unless more money are donated. Nanaimo Sports is a truly worthwhile program. In my opinion, business leaders of any age should support it. I assume you are by now familiar with our organization, but if you've never heard about us, here is the scoop. Nanaimo Sports Centre is an organization for high school youngsters. They find work with local businesses and then form small businesses and then they oprerate these businesses. During they operate the businesses they also learn about us running the business. This is good, I think, and we should all help. Hoping to get your substantial donation as soon as possible,

Answer 1

Nanaimo Sports Centre
Vancouver Branch
8791 Austin Street
Vancouver, BC Y2P 2P8

November 27, 2019

Ms. R. Ferguson
Ferguson Athletic Apparel
315 Massey Cr.
Port Moody, BC Z6T 3B5

Dear Ms. Ferguson:

Nanaimo Sports Centre is a dedicated organization for high school youngsters, they have been running a program called Nanaimo Sports with an intention to achieve the bigger objective of providing the school youngsters with sports-related equipment and environment.

They operate and find work with local businesses, also are constantly working to learn and expand their business. A dedicated effort for such a noble cause should be good enough for people like us to support and motivate.

In regard to the above-mentioned details we are allocating a dedicated Sports center for Nanaimo for which we have chosen a donation amount of $28.00, but we would request you to be generous and contribute a bigger amount for such a noble cause to operate and flourish. It is due to the donations from people like you, teenagers around 430 will get a chance to participate in Nanaimo Sports activities.

We believe your early donation could fulfil the dreams of many teenager